Monday, May 13, 2013

Milestones


When I was in kindergarten, I remember thinking that school kids – not the big ones, mind you, just the ones that were still in kindergarten a year ago – were incredibly grown up. Primary school – that’s where you want to be! Then I got to primary school, and the next goal was 6th grade, because the sixth graders got to do a play at the annual Christmas party. Big time grown up stuff! And as I kept reaching all those tiny milestones throughout the years, I remember thinking that the next one was incredibly far away, and surely I would never get there. But nonetheless, I graduated high school, I even graduated college and lo and behold – now I’m getting married!
Now, I don’t remember all the intricacies of my 10-year old brain, but I’m pretty sure that once rehearsals for that sixth grade play started, I knew it was happening. And as I was writing my dissertation a few years ago, I knew for sure that I was about to graduate college, and I couldn’t wait. But this wedding business? I’ve been planning it for 9 months, and it still hasn’t sunk in that in less than a week I’ll be walking down that aisle.      
Everything is ready. Every detail is either already done, or I know exactly when I’m going to do it. I’ve even bought (and tested) the nail polish I’m going to wear. But as soon as I start thinking about the actual day, my brain just goes foggy. It would appear that said brain, which has otherwise served me pretty well so far, just cannot comprehend that this is actually happening.
I guess getting married is one of those things. When you’re a little girl, you watch all the Disney princesses marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. And just like the sixth grade play and graduating college, you know that there’s a pretty good chance that it’ll be you one day. On that stage, clutching that diploma or wearing that white dress. Then, as you grow up, it starts happening – the princesses start being replaced by your real-life friends. One by one, they get hitched  and next thing you know, you’re it! And while I am beyond excited about the actual day, the enormity of what it all means, beyond white dresses and champagne, has really begun to sink in lately. There’s this amazing guy, who loves me enough to go out and buy a gorgeous ring and get down on one knee and ask me to marry him. And as if that wasn’t enough, he’s about to stand in front of all the people we love the most (and the big guy on the top floor, too) and promise to do just that, love me, for the rest of his life. This is major stuff, you guys!
I guess what really separates this milestone from all the other ones, is that it’s not just about reaching it – it’s about everything that happens after you have reached it. It’s about calling each other husband and wife. It’s about that extra level of commitment that is inevitably created by standing in front of all your loved ones and saying yes to each other. For me, it has also been about seeing the anticipation and excitement in the eyes of my family and friends, and feeling incredibly lucky that these wonderful people are so genuinely happy for the man and myself – and the underlying trust that this signifies, in us and the fact that we’re right for each other.
Over the last few weeks, people have kept asking me if I’m nervous. Or, depending on how bold they are, telling me that I’m much too calm… But honestly, I don’t know why I should be nervous. Excited? Yes! Butterflies? Plenty! But nervous is what you are, when you don’t know how something will turn out, or whether it will go well or not. And I have no doubt whatsoever that this Saturday will be absolutely brilliant – I can’t wait to walk down that aisle!

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